i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
