Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
