Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
