defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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