Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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