ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
