If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
