where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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