All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
