I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
