is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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