are you still at the devil's house?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
