he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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