Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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