We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
