My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
