I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
