It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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