shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
