Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
