haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
