I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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