Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
