Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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