i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
