the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
