Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
