Betty ford says i'm here all night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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