I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
