Do you still have your period?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
