I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
