you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
there is glitter all over my balls
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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