He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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