take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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