i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
