i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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