you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
