so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
