I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
