I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
