Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
