Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
