we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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