Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
