What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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