foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
did i just pee glitter
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
