Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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