I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
