I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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