He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
