i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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