So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
