what day is it and did you see me today?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
