I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
