I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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